I Just Failed

I wish I had taken more pictures of Jane. It is so silly, looking back, that I did not, for she was certainly photogenic. The few good ones that I do have, I really can’t share. Not that they are “bad”, but most are . . . well, artsy. That’s a good word.

It is not an exaggeration to say I have taken thousands and thousand of pictures. That includes almost every place I’ve ever visited, lived, spent time, and, for sure, everyone I have cared about. But few of her.

I really do not have many regrets in my life; for sure, far fewer than I should. This one tops that list. Maybe I felt like she would always be there and there was plenty of time for photos. I know this sounds silly but perhaps, I should have treated each time I looked at her as if I was seeing her for the last time . . . I just didn’t know that day would come.

Her long limbs and long, thick red hair always seemed to find the perfect pose in front of the camera lens. And, oh, Lord, when you got close to those soft freckles and deep green eyes–wow. Maybe, I was too mesmerized to take pictures. I don’t know after all this time. I just failed.

I have plenty of scenes in my head where I can see her clear as day. If only I had her talent with a brush or pen & ink, I would be happy to paint, to draw those memories. I don’t have her talent. But there are times when I can close my eyes and see her clearly. I can hear her voice. Sometimes, I know I catch a whiff of her scent. And, once, I truly believe I felt a puff of her breath on my neck. I don’t need the pictures for me. I would love to have them to share, though, so everyone else could see. For me, I can put one of those songs on, close my eyes, and see her, hear her, clear as day.